Fishing Affair

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They ... for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looksover at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Corporate Condoms Slogans

Imagine if major companies started producing or sponsoring condoms, they would become far more fashionable.......Imagine the following:

• Nike Condoms : - Just do it

• Ford Condoms : - The ride of your life

• Sony Condoms : - Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms

• Microsoft Condoms : - Where do you want to go today ?

• KFC Condoms : - Finger Licking Good

• M&Ms Condoms : - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands

• Coca-Cola Condoms : - The Real Thing

• Ever-Ready Condoms : - Keep going and going

• Pringles Condoms : - Once you pop, you can't stop

• Burger King Condoms :- Home of the whopper

• Nokia Condoms :- This is Human Technology

• Ericsson Condoms :- It's all about connecting people

• Motorola Condoms :- What you never thought possible

• Renault Condoms :- Size matters

• Energizer :- Never say never die

• Diet Coke - Just for the taste of it

• Ariston - And on, and on....

Lost Pen

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."

Deadbeat man

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.

He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once but I didn't like it."

So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"

But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once but I didn't like it."

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."

The bartender said, "Your only son, I guess."

Olympic condoms

A man comes home from work one day and tells his wife that he just bought a pack of olympic condoms.
His wife asks which ones should they try first and he replies "we'll try the silver medal condom first ok?" and she says "yes thats fine, atleast that means this time you WONT COME FIRST!!"