What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste.

Bounced off her Pony

There was once a woman called Toni
Who ate lots of steamed macaroni.
She grew quite fat
But she didn't mind that
Cos she bounced when she fell of her pony

Protruding tongue - reptilian

A precocious young lady name Lillian
Protruded her tongue at a Chilean;
Her mother said, pleading,
"Remember your breeding,
That trick is distinctly reptilian

Faggot vs Lesbian

A faggot who live in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

Biting her Fanny

An accident really uncanny
Befell a respectable granny:
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there
And bit herself right in the fanny.

Ovum to sperm

Said an ovum to a sperm,
"You're a very attractive germ.
Come join me, my sweet,
Let our nuclei meet,
And in nine months we'll both come to term."

Despondent Cat

A cat in despondency sighed
And resolve to commit suicidie.
She passed under the wheels
Of eight automobiles
And after the ninth one she died.

Why do midgets like to run on grass?

A. Because the grass tickles them.

The Puma with no sense of Huma

There was this fellow from Yuma

Who told an elephant joke to a puma,

Now, his bones lies

Under hot western skies,

You see, the puma did not have a sense of huma.